New leaf And No Fear

I was asked a question the other day that really got to me. I was asked, "What would you do if you were not afraid?". I really had to think about that because, I hate to admit this but, there are quite a few things. To name a few: I would run a marathon and start training today. I would go to school for what I want and not what is safe. I would tell people how I felt and what I thought always instead of holding back in fear of either getting hurt or hurting them. I would be more sincere and less sarcastic. I would write a children's book and publish it. I would find a full time job and stick with it. I would embrace the woman within me and focus on mastering the art of gourmet cooking and baking. I would move on from things, people and experiences that have really hurt me or not been so good for me so I could move forward. Those are just to name a few. I have a lot and it surprised me when I started writing because I feel like I am not a frightened person but looking over it I suppose I am more intimidated of my own potential. I am making a goal to accomplish these things and whatever else may come my why and I challenge each of you to do the same. Ask yourself that question and conquer your fears.

The part about turning a new leaf is more entertaining. I have quite a few jobs and decided that I needed to quit one so save my sanity so to everyone's relief I quit the tanning salon. I feel liberated almost in this decision and am excited to move on from that. What a job it has been. No, for the most part I have enjoyed working there but for a while now I have been more than ready to leave and now I actually am! Tonight is my last night but I am on call on Friday. Good news! Another part of my new leaf is that I am moving on from a relationship I was in back in January. For a while I was perfectly happy and this person came back into my life just recently wanting my forgiveness and a second chance. I thought about it and then I thought to myself, "Why am I even thinking about this?" I was happy without them and although it means hurting them, I feel like it is the right course for both of us and someday they will realize it too. I don't like hurting people but I am so happy where I am right now and don't want the added stress and worry that would come with this relationship. I think this person is great, smart, funny, spiritual and all the things that are important to me but I don't think that in the long run we would make each other happy. So, after much debate and worry I have decided to leave that behind. For those of you that really know me, you know this is a big thing for me as I give second chances a lot and don't like hurting others.

My second part to turning my leaf over is that I have decided to open my heart and stop being so stubborn. I am letting those who love me most into my life and opening that up so that I can move forward and not hold myself back from losing my dad.

The last and entertaining story is completely random but considering that most of this post is serious I decided I needed to add this one in. Last night I went over to a friend's house and a few people were playing the Wii, a few people were talking and I was playing ping pong with my best friend. He has wicked ping pong skills and we were rallying back and forth and randomly one of us would hit it really hard and the other would try to hit it back. Well on one of these occasions he smacked it and it hit me square on the bridge of my nose. It felt like someone hit me! I was laughing so hard because of the placement of the hit and the pain it actually caused. We laughed for five minutes straight and it was a good time had by all. Funny. Anyway, that's all I've got folks!

Peace.

I Don't Feel Much Like Blogging

I really don't have much to blog about. This week has been a pretty weird one. I have some very strong feelings of hurt and confusion thanks to someone(s) in my group of friends and it's been weighing heavily on my mind. I've gotten to the point now that I really feel bad for whoever is saying and spreading what they are saying because they feel the need to try and tear me down. Obviously they have underlying issues or problems because so many of the accusations were untrue and/or completely turned around. Anyway, I am a great person. I am not bragging, but I needed to remind myself of that this week. I am not perfect nor do I proclaim to never make serious mistakes, but I am trying everyday to be a better person. I wrong those around me but I pray that I can fix what I have done so I and the person can move on. Isn't that one reason why we're here? To help each other grow and be better? Not to tear each other down and spread gossip. That's not what it's about. But I've forgiven whomever it was and have moved on. I am more conscious of a few things but my heck they aren't perfect. I won't judge them and their judgments won't last on me and I will be better through the Lord. The end.
Now that that is over I think I will be done blogging. Ha! I think I am going to watch a movie. Peace!

You say hello I say goodbye

It has been a while. Okay, it's been forever since I have written on my blog. I apologize! I want to talk about a few different things. The first thing I want to talk about is saying goodbye.

Sometimes in life we have to say goodbye to people and or things we love, enjoy and feel connected to. I have had two experiences with this in the last week. The first was a farewell to a very dear friend of mine. This friend has graduated from school and is now beginning life out of college. This is a great and wonderful experience for this particular friend and such big and exciting decisions are being made by him right now. Now when it comes to saying goodbye I have never really been very good at it. I'm actually pretty great at just leaving and not saying goodbye because it is easier for me. This friend called me up and wanted to visit before leaving and never seeing me again so I complied since I did want to see him. During our visit it was nothing of seriousness or significance but just old memories and plans for the future. We sang songs on the piano, talked about life and joked around for a bit. It didn't really hit me that he was leaving and that I more than likely never would see him again. Once he left it slowly sank in and I remembered why I hated goodbyes. For this particular friend though, this is not the end of something but the beginning. His life is just beginning and who knows where he will end up or who he will become? He'll go far and I'm so happy for him! Give them H*, J!

The next experience with saying goodbye is with a particular person(s) and situation I have been in for years now. If you are trying to guess who or what, you won't be able to so you should just stop. :) This is something that has been on my mind for about a week now and has weighed heavily on my heart and mind... I have had pleasant, sad, funny, special, spiritual and testimony building experiences in this situation. I never really thought about life without being a part of it and until now really felt like it was where I was supposed to be. I know now that I need to get out of it because people change and experiences mold us to who we are becoming on a daily basis. This decision has been one of the hardest and most heart wrenching decisions I have made thus far in my life but I truly feel that it is for the best and although I am not sure what to do now without this "habit" (we'll call it that for the blog's sake), I feel that as I move on to bigger and better things I will become who I need to by leaving it behind and looking forward. So goodbye to this past and hello to my new and fresh future. I am starting new and excited for whatever the Lord has in store for me in life.

The next thing I want to talk about is the importance of a little randomness in life. We try to cram our lives with extras everyday and we need to take it down a notch. Like Hitch said,

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away."

None of us are in control of the days we have on the earth so we need to focus on moments that make us who we are and as happy as we can be. This summer, as of right now, I will have three jobs. I spoke with a very wise woman earlier today and she simply stated that I needed to quit one and maybe two so I could spend more time with my family. It never really hit me before that I tend to be too busy to get to know those around me that are supposed to be important in my life's story. I'm not going to be around enough to spend time with my brother who is leaving on a mission this Fall, my other brother who needs loving siblings to keep him on track, my sister who needs a friend and good sister to listen to her, my older brother who needs someone to be a pyro with and do crazy random things with, my oldest sister who just wants someone to talk to since she's out of state and all the other people I love and appreciate. So! I am quitting one job before I even start and plan on making some money this summer but more importantly plan on making some memories with those around me.

Now onto the random activities. I have officially decided to visit Alaska this July. I will be there for a little over a week just chumming around and hiking, fishing, camping, touring, etc. It's going to ROCK and I seriously can't wait!! This summer I'm also going to California with my coworker and friend and although we have absolutely NO plans yet we are totally going to go and probably just beach bum it but hey who cares!? I'm going to hike a lot in Zion and camp as often as possible all over the state. I do have one confession for this summer that I do want to do. I do want to gamble. Not a whole lot, but I want to try it at least once or twice so I'm taking my grandma on one trip and a friend or few on a second Vegas trip! I will see Wicked the Musical before Halloween 2009 and am stoked for that! I'm not sure where yet, but it'll probably be in San Fransisco or Texas and later this summer or early Fall. All of these activities will be with friends or family and it's going to be one summer I'll never forget!

I have decided to write another song. With the help of J, I will be writing lyrics and he'll be writing the music for it. So I guess it'll be a joint effort. I'm not sure what it's going to be about yet but I want to write a few serious ones along with some really random ones that don't make any sense. haha It's going to be awesome and I'm already started on one!! Woot woot!!!!!!

Last thought for this blog. This storm just came through our backyard so I am posting some pics from it. It was INSANE! Rain and hail were pounding on our awning and it was freezing cold! It was pretty awesome to watch. Enjoy!

Peace!

This is a video from the storm!

Summer 2009

I have so many options for this summer and where I will be, who I will be with and all that jazz. I seriously don't know what to do. Option one is to go sell security back in Rochester, NY, for Pinnacle. I would leave early May and be back mid August. I know how much work it is, that is the reason I would go. I need to make enough money for school and I would like to pay off my car and have a little extra for whatever comes up. I am prepared to work as hard and harder than I need to to reach my goals. Option number two is to sell security for APX up in Winnipeg, Canada. Same deal except that I would be across a lake from NY and I would make more or less depending on what happens with the exchange rate. There are a few things holding me back from committing to either situation. My safety for one! I don't want to feel like I need to carry a weapon but I know I would feel much safer if I did. Option three is to try to fnd a few jobs here that I can work that will make enough for school and stay home and play with the family and friends. I got offered a job but there is no way it would pay for what I need to pay for in the amount of time I need to make the money. Option four is to marry an older gentleman and take his money. Just kidding! Seriously though, those are three options I am looking at and don't know what to do. I want and need to make some money but I would rather not go alone to NY or Canada since I am a girl, but I would work my tail off to make money so I could go to school and not feel so stressed that way. The other job has potential for growth and I could make more money the longer I work there but is it worth it? I love adventure. I need to be responsible. Or do I?.....

Yesterday

Yesterday. Love was such an easy game to play.... la di di da de da da da.... oh I believe in yesterday!

I love the Beatles. Anyway, I wanted to write about all the things I did yesterday! Here is my kick A list.

-I did homework for seven hours and officially finished one online class!
- I went to the gym and ran a few miles, biked a few and worked on my arms.
- I contemplated life and what I want out of it. I still haven't decided exactly.
- I decided two things today. I want to leave Utah and I love public speaking.
- I took a shower. It was relaxing.
- I got some profound dating advice from my step-father that I will be using tomorrow evening to solve something.
- I only have 15 days left until my best friend comes home.
- I got a belly ache and conquered the pain.
- I listened to Jack's Mannequin in preparation for the concert.
- I said fore sure a few times, oh and legit.
- I may have sworn out of frustration and confusion. D#$! boys!
- I laughed until I cried with my family as we played the story game!
- I got a blessing and it helped me a lot.

I can't really think of anything else, but there you have it. A day in the life of me.

We Shot The Moon

It's been a while guys! This past week as been one of adventure, stress and emotional drainage! I had the opportunity to see what the ER looks like, passed all tests for my CNA certification, experienced the ups of dating, had a glamorous photo shoot thanks to my friend Jason, went to an AMAZING concert and a few other things. I want to talk about the concert I went to and the photo shoot.

First, last Saturday I went up to Logan for my photo shoot. I needed to do this shoot for a friend who is a graphic designer and wanted to do a sketch of me! It was freezing cold the day of the shoot but the shots ended up looking great. We had a lot of fun trying to figure out places and poses and I think more of the pics ended up with me making faces or sticking my bum out but the ones that were for real look fantastic! Jason did a great job of editing and I thank him for doing this for me! Check out his blog and the pics at http://jasonlynnbell.blogspot.com/

So yesterday morning I was doing some homework and tests for my online class and messing around on facebook. I noticed that Jonathan Jones was online and his status said something about eating at The Pie in Ogden. Jonathan is the lead singer for one of my all time favorite bands, We Shot The Moon. So, being the fan who doesn't know what to say to someone I idolize(haha) I comment on his status through the chat device. We start talking and he mentions that they are playing in Logan tonight. I asked when and where and then we stopped talking soon after. I began telling everyone I knew about this incredible concert and my day just started to get better. I went about my day and passed my final skills exam with 100% and another test I got 94% so it was pretty great. Oh! Also, I bought two, NOT one calendars for $2. Yes, I am a stickler with money so this was such a great deal! Ok ok, so after that I went home and did some more homework and left at 6:30 for Logan, Utah. The drive was relatively uneventful but that's ok because it made my singing in the car and air drums easier to focus on. Once in Logan, we met up with my friend Jason. We rode his scooter up to campus and walked to the Taggart Hall. The band wasn't on yet but they had two bands open for them. The first band was alright, the second band was pretty great though. I want to check them out soon. Anyway, the moment came. We had a small group of friends meet up at the concert and the band rolled in with their opening song LTFP and Water's Edge. It was breathtaking. They played a few new songs and I can't wait for their new album to be released in late April/Early May! On a side note, Jonathan Jones is gorgeous. I would run away with him in a minute. So they ended their concert and we all wanted an encore, so he came back out and played my second favorite song-Perfect Time- on the piano and it was so so awesome. That song is such a cute song anyway but he altered it and his angelic voice made it even better. The group came back on for one more song and we all ended the night with a little "Hope." ha! What a group. They play uplifting piano indie rock and it makes me want to start a band every time I listen to them! After the concert we went back to the girl's apt and watched some tv and just hung out. I stayed until 1:30 ish because I wanted to see Matt and he was at school and then some campaigning meeting/party until late. It was great to see him, my friends and my favorite band and what a fabulous day!

You guys should check out http://jasonlynnbell.blogspot.com/ , We Shot The Moon as well as Big Surrender!

Peace out ya'll!

Summer Needs

I couldn't help but take this idea and try it myself! It is funny! Do it.

Google "(Your first Name) needs" including the quotes and write the first ten results!

1. Summer needs missionaries. Answer the call!
2. Summer needs to go bye-bye. (Oh wow! I do I do!)
3. Summer needs your help.
4. Summer needs to hurry up!
5. Summer needs to simma down.
6. Summer needs you.
7. Summer needs a busy time.
8. Summer needs a plan. (oh man, so true)
9. Summer needs new clothing only.(ha! Shopping is lame)
10. Summer needs a song.

This was random and pretty weird! Not as cool as someone else's but it'll do. :)